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<H2 ALIGN="CENTER">Healing The Past, Heading For The Future </H2>
<P><FONT FACE="Arial" SIZE="-1"><B>by Sunny Jo</B></FONT></P>
<P><FONT FACE="Arial"><B>Sunny's Side Up - Prologue</B></FONT></P>
<P><FONT FACE="Arial" SIZE="-1"><B>By John Bowen, FCC BC &amp; NWWA</B></FONT> 
</P>
<P><FONT FACE="Arial" SIZE="-1">Some of you will remember the article I wrote
almost a year ago entitled &quot;Sunny'sFCC families met Sunny, an adult Korean
adoptee who grew up in Norway and is a student at Simon Fraser University in
Burnaby, BC.</FONT></P>
<P><FONT FACE="Arial" SIZE="-1">Based on this meeting and an intense exchange
of emails with Sunny, I reported the feelings of a young woman who despite
having had a loving relationship with her adoptive parents was unhappy about
her adoptive status and life in an alien culture.</FONT></P>
<P><FONT FACE="Arial" SIZE="-1">This August, almost a year later, I met Sunny
for lunch again. I barely recognized her. It is though a great weight had been
lifted from her shoulders. She spoke positively about her summer trip to Norway
and how she and her mother had deepened their bond. Her eyes sparkled as she
told me about her experiences in Korea, while we flicked thorough her mountain
of photos. But most encouraging of all, Sunny spoke with enthusiasm and
confidence about her future.</FONT></P>
<P><FONT FACE="Arial" SIZE="-1">While Sunny was in Norway, then in Korea, she
sent me and her many other contacts email messages of her experiences abroad.
These messages built to an exciting climax as she got close to finding her
birth family in Korea. She fell short of the ultimate objective, but is far
from discouraged. Please read Sunny's own story that follows. It is no
ordinary, &quot;How I spent my summer vacation&quot;. Sunny is back at Simon
Fraser University this year and is determined to make Vancouver her permanent
home.</FONT></P>
<P><FONT FACE="Arial"><B>Healing The Past, Heading For The Future</B></FONT> 
</P>
<P><FONT FACE="Arial" SIZE="-1">My first trip back to Korea is over. What is
left, are 10 rolls of film, several video-tapes, and invaluable
experiences.</FONT></P>
<P><IMG SRC="../Images/HealingThePast1.gif" ALT="Sunny with Child in Orphanage" WIDTH="354" HEIGHT="312" BORDER="0" ALIGN="LEFT"><FONT FACE="Arial" SIZE="-1">After having time to digest and sort out my feelings after this
summer, I realize how much I've changed. I don't regret any of the choices I
made. I'm really happy that I went back to my family in Norway for summer
break, about my stay in Korea, and my return to Canada. I got more out of this
summer than I ever could have imagined.</FONT></P>
<P><FONT FACE="Arial" SIZE="-1">I can definitely say that going back to Korea
has filled some of the emptiness inside me. I feel a peace in my life which I
hadn't felt earlier. Never has my identity felt as complete as it does now,
with Korean culture having become a living part of it. I think it is possible
to heal the scars and the pain from the past, overcome the barriers which lie
ahead of me, and I strongly believe in a better future, my future.</FONT></P>
<P><IMG SRC="../Images/HealingThePast2.gif" ALT="Sunny With Older Woman" WIDTH="318" HEIGHT="296" BORDER="0" ALIGN="RIGHT"><FONT FACE="Arial" SIZE="-1">I found a Korea very different from the one I had imagined. In Seoul,
I saw a metropolitan city, as modern and fancy as most western cities I've
seen. I didn't see more poverty than I've seen while travelling through Europe,
nor did I see more prejudice, racism or violence against those being different,
than what I've seen in the US. I'd been 'warned' that handicapped people and
non-Koreans would be treated badly, against stereotypes and a country in ruins
after the IMF crisis.... I didn't see any of that. Nor were people rude to me
because I didn't speak Korean.</FONT></P>
<P><FONT FACE="Arial" SIZE="-1">I know I didn't see all parts of Korea, and I'm
sure there are problems inside Korean society. But I didn't get the impression
that Korea is a country in need. I feel optimistic about Korea's future, and
will look forward to the day I can return.</FONT></P>
<P><FONT FACE="Arial" SIZE="-1">I didn't find everything I was hoping for this
time, but I believe it is for a reason. I was hoping to be reunited with my
bio-relatives, but my main goal with the return to Korea was still achieved. I
wanted to find out more about my Korean identity, my past and where I come
from. well, I did! I got many of my questions answered. I got a chance to cross
my own path, in more than one way. I guess I became closer to myself, as well
as to other people in my life.</FONT></P>
<P><FONT FACE="Arial"><B>Finding 'Pangool'</B></FONT></P>
<P><IMG SRC="../Images/HealingThePast3.gif" ALT="Sunny With Other Children in Orphanage" ALIGN="LEFT" WIDTH="295" HEIGHT="288" BORDER="0"><FONT FACE="Arial" SIZE="-1">My journey down memory
lane started in Suwon, in Kyungdong Babie's home, the orphanage I stayed in for
3 months before I was adopted. The staff knew I was coming and that I would
bring a Korean TV producer from PSB (Pusan Broadcasting).</FONT></P>
<P><FONT FACE="Arial" SIZE="-1">It was very special to be back, I couldn't
remember anything, but the original building was still there. We met the
director and some of the staff. The director had been there even back in 1976
when I was there, and I was given her last name. So she was very moved when she
saw me. Also, the rest of the staff was very happy, but due to their lack of
English and my lack of Korean, communication was hard. Luckily I had my Korean
friends to translate for me.</FONT></P>
<P><FONT FACE="Arial" SIZE="-1">I saw my file (and got a copy) from the time I
came to the orphanage, and I found the name of the woman who brought me there,
+ her address! That is way more than I already had, when I contacted Holt, my
adoption agency. In 1994 they told me all my files were damaged in a fire in
the orphanage. There has never been a fire in Kyungdong Babies' home and all my
files were there!!!!</FONT></P>
<P><FONT FACE="Arial" SIZE="-1">I talked to the staff for a while, the director
hugged me over and over, holding my hand most of the time. We got to play with
the kids, and they were so cute. One little girl wouldn't let me go after I
took her up. Every time I tried to put her down she cried and clung to me.?She
was about the same age I was when I was there.... I can't describe what it was
like to once again stand in 'my' room, this time with a little girl in my arms,
a little girl just like I once had been??</FONT></P>
<P><FONT FACE="Arial" SIZE="-1">When we left the orphanage we decided to head
for Ahnyang City, trying to locate the person and the address we had been
given. But when we arrived, we couldn't find it, so we headed for the police
station.</FONT></P>
<P><FONT FACE="Arial" SIZE="-1">Those who spoke Korean did all of the talking,
I wish I knew what they were talking about. After a while the police found out
that she had passed away in 1997, only two years ago. But they managed to
locate some of her relatives, and the police guided us to the house of these
relatives, knocked on the door and explained the situation! They were very
helpful.</FONT></P>
<P><FONT FACE="Arial" SIZE="-1">The people we met were relatives of the named
woman. Only her daughter-in-law was home. This woman called her husband at work
as well as her sister-in-law. I found out that they could remember the
baby-girl they had 'found', and they said they called me 'Pangool', meaning
(jingle)bell! (my nickname).</FONT></P>
<P><FONT FACE="Arial" SIZE="-1">She found out that I had been taken by her
husband's family to a catholic church. The woman came with us to the church,
bringing her cell-phone. She told me (via the translators) that I was very
brave to come that far to search for my roots, and she was moved to see
me.</FONT></P>
<P><FONT FACE="Arial" SIZE="-1">In the church we managed to find out about a
case which could be mine, about a halmoni (grandmother) and her son, who gave
up a child around the time I was brought in.</FONT></P>
<P><FONT FACE="Arial" SIZE="-1">One of the staff brought us to an older woman
who might knew this halmoni. The man who guided us said he'd seen me as a baby
and I looked the same! He could also recognize me from my referral
pictures.</FONT></P>
<P><FONT FACE="Arial" SIZE="-1">We finally found the older woman, she didn't
know the halmoni we were looking for, but she took us to one of her friends who
might know more. When we found her, she said she could very well remember the
halmoni with the little girl. When they told her that the girl was me, she
hugged me really hard.</FONT></P>
<P><FONT FACE="Arial" SIZE="-1">She saw copies of my referral pictures, and
said 'yes, that's her!' She also told me that I had an older brother (about 2
years older than me). According to this woman, my father was the oldest son of
four siblings. He was in some kind of trouble, probably had a car-accident and
ended in jail. At least he was often gone/away from umma (my mother).</FONT> 
</P>
<P><FONT FACE="Arial" SIZE="-1">The entire conversation was in Korean, my
friends tried to translate for me as best they could. I probably lost a lot of
details, but I understood that umma had to work a lot to support us, and one
day halmoni had refused her to come home, since she planned to give away both
my brother and me.</FONT></P>
<P><FONT FACE="Arial" SIZE="-1">My brother was given up first, sent to live
with a school-teacher in Inchon. The woman we talked to had been asked to help
placing me in an orphanage, but refused. Instead I was taken to the person
mentioned in my file (whose relatives we were able to track with the help of
the police), handed over to her, and she took me to this catholic church, which
again took me to the orphanage.</FONT></P>
<P><FONT FACE="Arial" SIZE="-1">My mother had been very sad and upset about
losing us, and she probably didn't know anything about what happened.
Unfortunately I wasn't able to find umma or any of my other relatives before I
had to leave Korea, so I couldn't arrange a reunion. But the search is
continuing, and I expect to return to Korea before too long. And hopefully, one
day, the family will be united again.</FONT></P>
<P><FONT FACE="Arial"><B>Amazing Support And Assistance</B></FONT></P>
<P><FONT FACE="Arial" SIZE="-1">I wouldn't be able to do all this without my
fantastic 'crew' of helpers, my very good friends. I am very grateful for their
efforts, they sacrificed their entire day off to help me, they have called
around, talked to a lot of people and been amazing! The daughter-in-law of the
person who gave me to the church were with us for over 7 hours, I didn't even
know her and she wasn't prepared at all! Her involvement was the most
incredible of all.</FONT></P>
<P><FONT FACE="Arial" SIZE="-1">I know that many of these 'doors' were open to
me because I had media with me. I doubt that the police would be so helpful if
I hadn't gone public with my story and brought a producer.</FONT></P>
<P><FONT FACE="Arial" SIZE="-1">I think the most important discovery I made,
was when I realized that I'd been loved and cared for all along the way.
Finding out that umma didn't give me up, but I was taken from her without her
knowing it, changed my entire attitude towards her. For an only child, the
knowledge that I have a brother, is also very exciting.</FONT></P>
<P><FONT FACE="Arial" SIZE="-1">As long as I can remember have I wanted a
brother or sister, Korean, just like me. My dream came through!</FONT></P>
<P><FONT FACE="Arial" SIZE="-1">Since he was older than me (around 4) at the
time we were separated, it's likely that he still remembers me, wondering what
happened in all the years that have passed since then. I wish I could tell
him.</FONT></P>
<P><FONT FACE="Arial" SIZE="-1">People who knew my family kept telling me how
much I looked like my aunt and halmoni, and I had umma's eyes! When they
described umma's personality, I could clearly see myself in her.... They said
she was a person who went her own ways, she didn't care about social stigma or
gossip, she wanted to raise her kids as a single mother. Her kids might have
been born out of wedlock. And they said it was unlikely that she would lie to
future husbands about her kids and her past, she wasn't that kind of a
person.....</FONT></P>
<P><FONT FACE="Arial" SIZE="-1">It was so amazing to hear people talking about
my unknown family, and being able to recognize myself. As an adoptee I've never
had anyone else's eyes, I've always been only me. But now I could suddenly
trace my features and my personality back to someone else, my genes weren't
only mine anymore, they came from somewhere! It was like I suddenly had a past,
like I came from somewhere.</FONT></P>
<P><FONT FACE="Arial" SIZE="-1">After visiting my orphanage, talking to the
staff and meeting the children, I feel secure that I was well cared for there.
The caretakers I saw were rocking and holding the children, caring for them as
good as most mothers I've ever seen. The adults could have acted to give a
certain impression while we were there (even though I doubt it), but the
children were just being themselves. And unhappy, abused children don't behave
like the kids I met. I see a future for these children in Korea, their own
country. And that gives me hope, both for the children themselves, and for
Korea as a nation.</FONT></P>
<P><FONT FACE="Arial"><B>Two Mothers, Two Lives</B></FONT></P>
<P><FONT FACE="Arial" SIZE="-1">After telling my Norwegian mother the story,
she immediately felt sympathy for my bio mom who lost both of her children. She
wanted nothing than for us to be reunited, she wanted umma to meet her daughter
again. Only a true, unselfish mother would ever say that. By doing that she
proved not only her love (which I've never doubted), but also her respect for
me as an individual, for my past, and for my unknown family. TAKK MAMMA!
(=thanks mom). Her support through all this has been excellent. She's been
nothing but supportive about my trip back to Korea, about visiting my
orphanage, and searching for my relatives.</FONT></P>
<P><FONT FACE="Arial" SIZE="-1">My dad's support has been great as well. I
value it as much as my mother's. And I will also try to be</FONT></P>
<P><FONT FACE="Arial" SIZE="-1">reunited with my bio-dad. But as an adoptee and
a woman, the place of a mother in my life is a special one.</FONT></P>
<P><FONT FACE="Arial" SIZE="-1">When thinking about my birth family, it's
always been a focus on umma. I guess the maternal instinct is the strongest one
in this world, and I believe that nothing can ever replace the mother's role. I
feel blessed with two mothers in my life, two mothers whose lives are probably
very different, but still they've both shaped me in unique ways. None of them
can ever be replaced, nor can their influence be erased. I'm the product of
both of you, mamma and umma. Just as I'm a product of my three countries -
Korea, Norway and Canada. Knowing that makes me proud of my heritage.</FONT> 
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